Have you ever made a promise to yourself that you thought God would help you keep? And when you didn’t keep it, did it make you angry at God? If it did, who did you run to? Who helped you get back on your feet and fulfill that promise? If you didn’t get angry at God, how did you respond?
I answer these questions for myself with a tame mind, though still fully aware of my own “broken” promises, the promise to give up Facebook, the promise to have a clean room. This is probably one of the rare moments when my Facebook page isn’t up, but most of the time, I feel as though I slipped back to old ways, the ways I felt so much better without.
Now, whenever my mom walks past my room, she’ll see my five million statuses (and a few selfies) on my Facebook page…unless I can hide it right away. When she comes in, she’ll step over a million pieces of dirty clothes, clothes that I “promised” wouldn’t even touch the floor. So much for keeping my promises.
So here I am, listening to worship music, Jeremy Camp singing about God’s promises. God never broke His promises. In fact, He never actually promised to fulfill my promises to myself. He promised to love me unconditionally, though not without problems. One of my problems is overcommitment. How can I be mad at God when it wasn’t His fault that I overcommitted?
Somehow, I’m not angry. I’m on the fence of blaming myself and letting it go. I have the mentality that if I can just stay connected to God and use Facebook “in moderation,” that promise might seem broken, but it wasn’t meant to be made in the first place. I’ve never looked at it this way without anger before. Whenever I broke promises to myself, I’d beg a friend to give me advice. Maybe I’m not angry now because of the amount of prayer easing my mind, or the beautiful worship music…or most important, maybe it’s God’s message to me that those are just two promises that I made to myself and they weren’t meant to be kept. So I should just trust that only God’s promise will remain fulfilled.
That being said, maybe it’s okay if I forgive myself for using Facebook too much. Maybe I can just set goals to keep my room straight and eyes off Facebook instead of promises to prevent myself from overcommitment. Maybe God already blessed me with less commitment to reduce my anger and anxiety. Maybe He won’t fix anyone else’s broken promises to themselves, but He’ll find some way to bless their honesty in those broken promises and free them from frustration.